Tuesday, 1 September 2009

Rumfirwunmer untop

This eight legged blob finds it so hard to skitter
With the weight up on top of a whole kitty litter
It travels so slowly, the speed of an escargot
Trundling along with its live feline cargo.
On the journey the kittens are protected from bruises
By cushioning slime that the parasite oozes
And when it is time to rest up for the night
They're sucked back into jelly, snug out of sight.

Saturday, 6 June 2009

Sekreeshus delishus

Held aloft in a spotty papoose
This kitten is farmed for its delicious juice
Harvested cat nectar is pumped down a pipe
While the parasite's waiting, ready to swipe
Droplets divine of pure cat filtered goodness
Efficiently slurped up without any mess
The luscious lipped slug beast exclusively eats
The ambrosial juices the kitten secretes
Although so delectable you couldn't endorse
The cruel way of obtaining this fine feline sauce
But nevertheless in shops round the country
You can easily buy jars of this rich kitten bounty.

Tuesday, 19 May 2009

Spydureesyde bords

On stilted legs this parasite strides
Taking its kitten host far and wide
The gait the kitten can't ignore
Its poor dragged body is red and raw
Pulled over gravel and spiky stones
This poor girl nurses broken bones
But there's no respite as the cat is led
By the spidery legs coming out of her head
And as she goes by there's no way you'll miss her
As there's hideous legs where there should be whisker.

Saturday, 16 May 2009

Ekcessba gaigus

Poor pussy's eyes stare hopelessly wide
Her skin all wrinkled from the juices inside
This creature's ambiotic pouch
Curled in an uncomfortable crouch
This cat has had more than it can stand
On the parasite's travels across the land
For ages she's been in this liquid sac
An unwilling tourist on an endless track
In seeing the world she hasn't been lacking
But this gives new meaning to the term back packing.

Friday, 15 May 2009

Ooptuesnec enet

Look at this picture
You may think what on Heck
Has buried this kitten
Right up to his neck
A shore dwelling scuttle freak
Has taken up room
In the mouth of this kitten
In its bleak, sandy tomb
As the parasite scavenges
For scraps in its reach
Kitty thinks to himself
Life isn't a beach.

Wednesday, 13 May 2009

Duyuwanfri swivdat

Are you a big food fan who's dead keen on snacking?
That was this kitty's lifestyle, an idea she's back tracking
Her mouth stretched wide open, no reason to smile
As tentacles force in sausage, cake, chops, Emmental
Apples and bananas, wide eyes stare in dread
Course after course this kitten is force fed.
We're not really sure what the parasite's rouse is
But we believe it survives on digestives juices
By making the cat eat, this bile is created
Then this gourmet beast rests when it's appetites sated.

Thursday, 7 May 2009

Noffinsgonnabrek amastryde

From far flung lands this kitten comes
Great distances he's sped
With his leggy, cycloptic parasite
They're a speedy hexaped.
I'll only raise a small point
But one that is quite sound
The parasite does the walking
The cat can't touch the ground.
For their next destination
This kitten would like to decide
But has no choice in the matter
These legs won't breat their stride.

Monday, 4 May 2009

Juskarlren Tagoast

Kittens are cute objects of adoration
With multiple lives, nine reincarnations
But the parasite clamped on this kitty's head
Has taken eight lives (one more and it's dead)
Around in their prisons each spirit life whirls
Trailing behind like a string of ghost pearls
Shanghaiing these souls was a clever endeavor
With more incarnations it could live forever
The parasite thief has its host cat to thank
As now it's immortal with all these lives in the bank.

Saturday, 2 May 2009

Jusdatu ovus

Siamese cat twins
Now don't get confused
They weren't born that way
These brothers were fused
Two fronts, no hind quarters
In the middle they share
The conjoining beast master
Their living nightmare
That controls these poor kittens
Makes sure each one behaves
Pumping into their cat minds
Suggestive brain waves.

Friday, 1 May 2009

Skuledug gerie

There's something this kitten
Would like to be rid
Inside of her head
Lives a parasite squid
The squid is a bad one
A total disgrace
It's pulled all the skin back
Right off Kitty's face
It wasn't a tough job
Just a tug and a pull
And now the world's watching
This cat's exposed skull.

Thursday, 30 April 2009

Owchitree leehirtz

You know how cats strut
With their tails in the air
Displaying their bottoms
like they don't have a care
Well here's a poor fellow
That's bucking the trend
The reason he's done that
Lies in his rear end
This kitten plays host
To an unwanted chum
Look close and you'll see it
Poking out of its bum.

Tuesday, 28 April 2009

Ahardai snite

Some beetles are colourful
Some beetles roll dung
On the evolutionary ladder
This one's up a rung
Grown to gigantic proportions
And holding in place
A cat held tight by tendrils
From behind it's wing case
This union's purpose
Is Quite far from clear
And further hypothesis
Makes my blood chill with fear.

Monday, 27 April 2009

Maw Orless

With seven sharp fangs
In its cavernous maw
When this parasite feeds
It's a scene of pure gore
Tearing at flesh
In a circular motion
Grinding and sucking
Making quite a commotion
Is the kitten troubled by the parasite?
But it hasn't a choice
And it enjoys all the scraps.

Thursday, 23 April 2009

Duewe finkeeseesus

Inside of this kitten
Where the brain used to be
A strange rubbery creature
Has taken residency
From the cat's old eye sockets
Protrude two eyes on stalks
And with a parasite tongue
Is the new way it talks
With no brain to think
To complain or to moan
This kitten has become
The perfect mobile home.

Tuesday, 21 April 2009

Trombonic cacphonius

This tired little kitten squeaks out a yawn
The reason for which is its resident horn
Unable to sleep with the parasite's blast
Which trumpets from dusk until breakfast
No wonder this kitten is in such a flap
Denied of even the shortest catnap
Its weariness led to an unhealthy complexion
The downside of a carrying a living brass section.

Knowse barg

Like a gas mask used in a war time Blitz
This parasite is clamped around the lips
It steals the air that's going in
While internal organs filter oxygen
The cat left breathless and turning blue
Can't even gasp or produce a mew
When it collapses close to death
The parasite lets it have a breath
The reason for this seeming kindness
There's no point in a host that's lifeless.

Monday, 20 April 2009

Nippen took

Above its mouth, just below the nose
Within the head this parasite grows
One day it caused a visage rift
Providing the cat with a free face lift
Is the kitten OK? It's a tough call to make
But talk about a splitting headache.

Sunday, 19 April 2009

Earb ersta

This kitten woke with a ringing persistence
And thought it best to seek medical assistance
The smiling vet gave her the all clear
But the ringing continued in the inner ear
Soon through the ear holes parasitic fingers clawed
And she coughed up its feet which reached down to the floor
Once this occurred her poor fate was sealed
And the last thing I heard was a pitiful squeal
As on parasite legs they bounded away
And have never been heard of since that day.
What a sorry ending for this puss
Who only thought she had tinnitus.

Thursday, 16 April 2009

Hangun aroond

This kitten has time to look and stare
Swinging high up in the air
Held fast in such a tight head lock
Tentacled in place on a protruding rock
With suckers anchored to its crown
In mortal fear of looking down
Too high to get help with a shout
Its days are spent hanging about.

Wednesday, 15 April 2009

Putyaba kuppagen

A parasite similar
To the one you've just seen
Please look at the picture
It's as least twice as mean.
With a two pronged attack
Do not get in the way
As it swishes and writhes
After avian prey.
But look again carefully
It's not such a beast
As it shares with its host
The sweet birdy feast.

Tuesday, 14 April 2009

Putyaba kupp

This kitty dreams of a happy day
Before this growth on her vertebrae
That's the scientific term, more or less
For the bones of the back - but I digress
With grasping pincers and crunching jaws
It's more than a match for tiny paws
Resigned to its fate the cat lets out a sigh
As the parasite snaps at folk passing by.

Thursday, 9 April 2009

Surfsup cowabunga

If you know of a kitten
You don't see anymore
Chances are high
It's been down by the shore.
An innocent stroll
One night on the beach
Brought it in range
Of this parasite's reach.
Kept under the sea
Its fate has been met
Breathing secondhand air
In a membranous helmet.

Tuesday, 7 April 2009

Herbayshus bordus

Poor little kitty whose only small crime
Was to eat up a fruit that sprouted a vine
But I'm going to fast, there's a story to tell
How this poor little puss found his own bit of Hell.
Imagine a stray all alone on the street
Totally starving and dreaming of meat
His carnivorous desire waylaid by a fruit
Swallowed then slid down the digestive chute
This fruit had a seed with a serious mission
And inside this cat was the perfect condition
To thrive and grow big,
Form a prize winning bloom
And finally seal the little kit's doom.

Monday, 6 April 2009

Aparitia cannonfodda

This skeletal limpet draws its pain
From mysterious levels of the astral plane
It deftly locates the nine lives of the host
And fires them all out as projectile ghosts
When the spirit bullets have all been spent
The poor little kitten is not Heaven sent
It soulless husk has nowhere to go
But a horrible future in eternal limbo.

Sunday, 5 April 2009

Areyepee ashustoashus

This kitten died
Being ripped apart
From something growing
Inside of its heart
The day it burst out
Was a day to remember
Tuesday the eigth
A warm day in September
That day in late Summer
Was not its last date
It's still roaming the earth
In a zombified state.

Saturday, 4 April 2009

Maternia alivealiveo

Here's some potential for seeing some gore
Laid out as a feast for foul babies to gnaw
Prepared by the parents, it's not going well
For this kitten trapped in a calcium shell
Counting the time 'til its fate will arrive
When the parasite infants will eat him alive
He ponders a while, awaiting their touch
Simply hoping that it won't hurt him too much.

Friday, 3 April 2009

Quasi modus

As if the weight of the world were not enough
This poor kitty has it twice as tough
Made victim of such insidious harm
Of jokes about hunches and Notre Dame
And all the while her tormentor dines
Sucking on blood and fluids from the spine.

Thursday, 2 April 2009

Dedleeteef ancloors

This aggressive worm beast is no fun
It attacks the rage centre of the cranium
As its tendrils burrow into the brain
The kitten host is forced to maim
With needle teeth and claws like pins
The Kitty fights, the kitty sins.
Poor angry kitten, it's not it's fault
He got four years for aggravated assault.

KP The Introduction

You know how vulnerable to parasites our beloved pets can be

Picking up awful infestations such as a worm, a mite or a flea

These irritating invertebrate invaders that call Tiddles home sweet home

Can be murder to get rid of causing their owners to moan,

"We've tried different kinds of remedies such as collars, pills and a spray,

There's got to be something available that keeps these blood suckers away!"

Please indulge me, dear reader and allow me to broaden this topic

Look at the mayhem my beasts can create and they're massive, not one's microscopic

Now I'm not a vet or a scientist but I've got forty odd strange ideas

And I've put them all down in this blog on the screen from my musings mused over the years

So sit back, settle down, grab an artery or a cuppa if that sates your appetite

Strong and sweet like they give to shock victims and suffers of kitten parasites.

KP at the Maguro Parasitological Museum, Japan

This is me at the Meguro Parasitological Museum in Tokyo. It's a great day out. They have an extensive library of all things parasite - Including Kitten Parasites.

I like to imagine that hey use it on an almost daily basis.

Kitten Parasites

Greetings Parasite Lovers. 

A couple of years ago I published, with Bill Griffin's micro publishing house a collection of my poems and illustrations based around the parasites that could attack kittens. We put out a 1000 and they shifted pretty quickly thanks to comic shops up and down the country.

I'm very fond of them kitties and seeing as some horrible squatters are wanting $2000 to give me back my old site I'm going to drip the cats out day by day on here. My ideal dream is that some big shot publishing house will see this and offer to publish and distribute the book properly. I tell you publishers, this is a license to print money.

So sit back and enjoy.