Kitten Parasites is FREE this weekend

Kitten Parasites is free on the Amazon Store all weekend.

Get downloading if for nothing at all!

Kitten Parasites on Amazon

Crikey - it's been almost 2 years since I updated this blog. But don't worry, your days of hanging on and waiting to read the next Kitten Parasite poem are over. I've collected all the verses into an e-book which is available on Amazon. It would be great if you could buy it, it's only a pound or so and rate it justly: 5 stars minimum thank you.

Thanks for all your support over the years and if you've liked the Kitten Parasites then please tell your friends.

Click here to buy the best collection of poems about kitten parasites ever written.

Happy Kitmas 2012

There are but 28 copies of the Kitten Parasite book left - they'd be perfect for the cat/parasite lover in your life for Christmas.

How does a tenner sound, including postage - £15 if you're outside the UK.

Click here and get in touch if you want one.

Hello Kitty

Seeing as everyone is doing their take on Hello Kitty for Sanrio's 50th anniversary I thought I'd have a go. I haven't done a kitten parasite for a while and they're always a treat to draw so I've seized the chance. Adorable.

National Poetry Day 2010

Today is National Poetry Day. So why don't you sit down and write a poem. It's easier than you think.... Especially if you're writing about parasites. Kittens work too.

Reesyculd liftoafers

There are different kinds of diets

Just meat or only fruit juices

But the food regime this kitten is on

Is to eat what the parasite chooses

Sucked from kitty to parasite

What the cat eats is mixed up with bile

Sloshed around in organic chambers

And left to ferment for a while

It's a labour intensive procedure

On the parasite's brow seat beads glisten

It'll get its reward in the morning

When the concoction's pumped back in the kitten.

Sefenfreesef enerbus

It's good you're still reading this stupid blog

You've seen many bizarre things

And still they keep on coming

Look, a kitten with insect wings.

The wings of course are a parasite's

Who takes the kitten for a spin

But the poor thing travels backwards

Only seeing where it has been.

The parasite won't notice

It's focused on its mission

Concerned imaginary trays on landing time

Will be in the upright position.

Hoosbehynde marsk

Like a motorbike helmet

With an eye for a visor

This parasite holds tight

With a powerful incisor.

The kitten mews loudly

But on the outside there's silence

Perfect soundproofing

Hides the internal violence.

Inside this cocoon

Is a horrible place

As a million small pincers

Torment the cats face.

Rumfirwunmer untop

This eight legged blob finds it so hard to skitter

With the weight up on top of a whole kitty litter

It travels so slowly, the speed of an escargot

Trundling along with its live feline cargo.

On the journey the kittens are protected from bruises

By cushioning slime that the parasite oozes

And when it is time to rest up for the night

They're sucked back into jelly, snug out of sight.

Spydureesyde bords

On stilted legs this parasite strides

Taking its kitten host far and wide

The gait the kitten can't ignore

Its poor dragged body is red and raw

Pulled over gravel and spiky stones

This poor girl nurses broken bones

But there's no respite as the cat is led

By the spidery legs coming out of her head

And as she goes by there's no way you'll miss her

As there's hideous legs where there should be whisker.

Ekcessba gaigus

Poor pussy's eyes stare hopelessly wide

Her skin all wrinkled from the juices inside

This creature's ambiotic pouch

Curled in an uncomfortable crouch

This cat has had more than it can stand

On the parasite's travels across the land

For ages she's been in this liquid sac

An unwilling tourist on an endless track

In seeing the world she hasn't been lacking

But this gives new meaning to the term back packing.

Ooptuesnec enet

Look at this picture

You may think what on Heck

Has buried this kitten

Right up to his neck

A shore dwelling scuttle freak

Has taken up room

In the mouth of this kitten

In its bleak, sandy tomb

As the parasite scavenges

For scraps in its reach

Kitty thinks to himself

Life isn't a beach.

Duyuwanfri swivdat

Are you a big food fan who's dead keen on snacking?

That was this kitty's lifestyle, an idea she's back tracking

Her mouth stretched wide open, no reason to smile

As tentacles force in sausage, cake, chops, Emmental

Apples and bananas, wide eyes stare in dread

Course after course this kitten is force fed.

We're not really sure what the parasite's rouse is

But we believe it survives on digestives juices

By making the cat eat, this bile is created

Then this gourmet beast rests when it's appetites sated.

Noffinsgonnabrek amastryde

From far flung lands this kitten comes

Great distances he's sped

With his leggy, cycloptic parasite

They're a speedy hexaped.

I'll only raise a small point

But one that is quite sound

The parasite does the walking

The cat can't touch the ground.

For their next destination

This kitten would like to decide

But has no choice in the matter

These legs won't breat their stride.

Juskarlren Tagoast

Kittens are cute objects of adoration

With multiple lives, nine reincarnations

But the parasite clamped on this kitty's head

Has taken eight lives (one more and it's dead)

Around in their prisons each spirit life whirls

Trailing behind like a string of ghost pearls

Shanghaiing these souls was a clever endeavor

With more incarnations it could live forever

The parasite thief has its host cat to thank

As now it's immortal with all these lives in the bank.

Jusdatu ovus

Siamese cat twins

Now don't get confused

They weren't born that way

These brothers were fused

Two fronts, no hind quarters

In the middle they share

The conjoining beast master

Their living nightmare

That controls these poor kittens

Makes sure each one behaves

Pumping into their cat minds

Suggestive brain waves.

Skuledug gerie

There's something this kitten

Would like to be rid

Inside of her head

Lives a parasite squid

The squid is a bad one

A total disgrace

It's pulled all the skin back

Right off Kitty's face

It wasn't a tough job

Just a tug and a pull

And now the world's watching

This cat's exposed skull.

Owchitree leehirtz

You know how cats strut

With their tails in the air

Displaying their bottoms

like they don't have a care

Well here's a poor fellow

That's bucking the trend

The reason he's done that

Lies in his rear end

This kitten plays host

To an unwanted chum

Look close and you'll see it

Poking out of its bum.

Ahardai snite

Some beetles are colourful

Some beetles roll dung

On the evolutionary ladder

This one's up a rung

Grown to gigantic proportions

And holding in place

A cat held tight by tendrils

From behind it's wing case

This union's purpose

Is Quite far from clear

And further hypothesis

Makes my blood chill with fear.

Maw Orless

With seven sharp fangs

In its cavernous maw

When this parasite feeds

It's a scene of pure gore

Tearing at flesh

In a circular motion

Grinding and sucking

Making quite a commotion

Is the kitten troubled by the parasite?

Perhaps.

But it hasn't a choice

And it enjoys all the scraps.