Kitten Parasites

Hello Kitty

2010-11-14T11:41:00.001Z

Seeing as everyone is doing their take on Hello Kitty for Sanrio's 50th anniversary I thought I'd have a go. I haven't done a kitten parasite for a while and they're always a treat to draw so I've seized the chance. Adorable.

National Poetry Day 2010

2010-10-07T18:01:00.004+01:00

Today is National Poetry Day. So why don't you sit down and write a poem. It's easier than you think.... Especially if you're writing about parasites. Kittens work too.

Reesyculd liftoafers

2010-08-30T09:32:00.002+01:00

There are different kinds of diets

Just meat or only fruit juices

But the food regime this kitten is on

Is to eat what the parasite chooses

Sucked from kitty to parasite

What the cat eats is mixed up with bile

Sloshed around in organic chambers

And left to ferment for a while

It's a labour intensive procedure

On the parasite's brow seat beads glisten

It'll get its reward in the morning

When the concoction's pumped back in the kitten.

Sefenfreesef enerbus

2010-02-10T15:08:00.003Z

It's good you're still reading this stupid blog

You've seen many bizarre things

And still they keep on coming

Look, a kitten with insect wings.

The wings of course are a parasite's

Who takes the kitten for a spin

But the poor thing travels backwards

Only seeing where it has been.

The parasite won't notice

It's focused on its mission

Concerned imaginary trays on landing time

Will be in the upright position.

Hoosbehynde marsk

2010-01-08T11:01:00.002Z

Like a motorbike helmet

With an eye for a visor

This parasite holds tight

With a powerful incisor.

The kitten mews loudly

But on the outside there's silence

Perfect soundproofing

Hides the internal violence.

Inside this cocoon

Is a horrible place

As a million small pincers

Torment the cats face.

Rumfirwunmer untop

2009-09-01T20:28:00.002+01:00

This eight legged blob finds it so hard to skitter

With the weight up on top of a whole kitty litter

It travels so slowly, the speed of an escargot

Trundling along with its live feline cargo.

On the journey the kittens are protected from bruises

By cushioning slime that the parasite oozes

And when it is time to rest up for the night

They're sucked back into jelly, snug out of sight.

Sekreeshus delishus

2009-06-06T12:20:00.002+01:00

Held aloft in a spotty papoose

This kitten is farmed for its delicious juice

Harvested cat nectar is pumped down a pipe

While the parasite's waiting, ready to swipe

Droplets divine of pure cat filtered goodness

Efficiently slurped up without any mess

The luscious lipped slug beast exclusively eats

The ambrosial juices the kitten secretes

Although so delectable you couldn't endorse

The cruel way of obtaining this fine feline sauce

But nevertheless in shops round the country

You can easily buy jars of this rich kitten bounty.

Spydureesyde bords

2009-05-19T09:47:00.002+01:00

On stilted legs this parasite strides

Taking its kitten host far and wide

The gait the kitten can't ignore

Its poor dragged body is red and raw

Pulled over gravel and spiky stones

This poor girl nurses broken bones

But there's no respite as the cat is led

By the spidery legs coming out of her head

And as she goes by there's no way you'll miss her

As there's hideous legs where there should be whisker.

Ekcessba gaigus

2009-05-16T16:11:00.002+01:00

Poor pussy's eyes stare hopelessly wide

Her skin all wrinkled from the juices inside

This creature's ambiotic pouch

Curled in an uncomfortable crouch

This cat has had more than it can stand

On the parasite's travels across the land

For ages she's been in this liquid sac

An unwilling tourist on an endless track

In seeing the world she hasn't been lacking

But this gives new meaning to the term back packing.

Ooptuesnec enet

2009-05-15T22:03:00.002+01:00

Look at this picture

You may think what on Heck

Has buried this kitten

Right up to his neck

A shore dwelling scuttle freak

Has taken up room

In the mouth of this kitten

In its bleak, sandy tomb

As the parasite scavenges

For scraps in its reach

Kitty thinks to himself

Life isn't a beach.

Duyuwanfri swivdat

2009-05-13T18:40:00.002+01:00

Are you a big food fan who's dead keen on snacking?

That was this kitty's lifestyle, an idea she's back tracking

Her mouth stretched wide open, no reason to smile

As tentacles force in sausage, cake, chops, Emmental

Apples and bananas, wide eyes stare in dread

Course after course this kitten is force fed.

We're not really sure what the parasite's rouse is

But we believe it survives on digestives juices

By making the cat eat, this bile is created

Then this gourmet beast rests when it's appetites sated.

Noffinsgonnabrek amastryde

2009-05-07T14:38:00.002+01:00

From far flung lands this kitten comes

Great distances he's sped

With his leggy, cycloptic parasite

They're a speedy hexaped.

I'll only raise a small point

But one that is quite sound

The parasite does the walking

The cat can't touch the ground.

For their next destination

This kitten would like to decide

But has no choice in the matter

These legs won't breat their stride.

Juskarlren Tagoast

2009-05-04T20:43:00.002+01:00

Kittens are cute objects of adoration

With multiple lives, nine reincarnations

But the parasite clamped on this kitty's head

Has taken eight lives (one more and it's dead)

Around in their prisons each spirit life whirls

Trailing behind like a string of ghost pearls

Shanghaiing these souls was a clever endeavor

With more incarnations it could live forever

The parasite thief has its host cat to thank

As now it's immortal with all these lives in the bank.

Jusdatu ovus

2009-05-02T11:03:00.002+01:00

Siamese cat twins

Now don't get confused

They weren't born that way

These brothers were fused

Two fronts, no hind quarters

In the middle they share

The conjoining beast master

Their living nightmare

That controls these poor kittens

Makes sure each one behaves

Pumping into their cat minds

Suggestive brain waves.

Skuledug gerie

2009-05-01T18:38:00.002+01:00

There's something this kitten

Would like to be rid

Inside of her head

Lives a parasite squid

The squid is a bad one

A total disgrace

It's pulled all the skin back

Right off Kitty's face

It wasn't a tough job

Just a tug and a pull

And now the world's watching

This cat's exposed skull.

Owchitree leehirtz

2009-04-30T08:49:00.003+01:00

You know how cats strut

With their tails in the air

Displaying their bottoms

like they don't have a care

Well here's a poor fellow

That's bucking the trend

The reason he's done that

Lies in his rear end

This kitten plays host

To an unwanted chum

Look close and you'll see it

Poking out of its bum.

Ahardai snite

2009-04-28T21:15:00.002+01:00

Some beetles are colourful

Some beetles roll dung

On the evolutionary ladder

This one's up a rung

Grown to gigantic proportions

And holding in place

A cat held tight by tendrils

From behind it's wing case

This union's purpose

Is Quite far from clear

And further hypothesis

Makes my blood chill with fear.

Maw Orless

2009-04-27T11:16:00.002+01:00

With seven sharp fangs

In its cavernous maw

When this parasite feeds

It's a scene of pure gore

Tearing at flesh

In a circular motion

Grinding and sucking

Making quite a commotion

Is the kitten troubled by the parasite?

Perhaps.

But it hasn't a choice

And it enjoys all the scraps.

Duewe finkeeseesus

2009-04-23T22:18:00.002+01:00

Inside of this kitten

Where the brain used to be

A strange rubbery creature

Has taken residency

From the cat's old eye sockets

Protrude two eyes on stalks

And with a parasite tongue

Is the new way it talks

With no brain to think

To complain or to moan

This kitten has become

The perfect mobile home.

Trombonic cacphonius

2009-04-21T23:59:00.002+01:00

This tired little kitten squeaks out a yawn

The reason for which is its resident horn

Unable to sleep with the parasite's blast

Which trumpets from dusk until breakfast

No wonder this kitten is in such a flap

Denied of even the shortest catnap

Its weariness led to an unhealthy complexion

The downside of a carrying a living brass section.

Knowse barg

2009-04-21T23:28:00.002+01:00

Like a gas mask used in a war time Blitz

This parasite is clamped around the lips

It steals the air that's going in

While internal organs filter oxygen

The cat left breathless and turning blue

Can't even gasp or produce a mew

When it collapses close to death

The parasite lets it have a breath

The reason for this seeming kindness

There's no point in a host that's lifeless.

Nippen took

2009-04-20T00:03:00.001+01:00

Above its mouth, just below the nose

Within the head this parasite grows

One day it caused a visage rift

Providing the cat with a free face lift

Is the kitten OK? It's a tough call to make

But talk about a splitting headache.

Earb ersta

2009-04-19T23:17:00.003+01:00

This kitten woke with a ringing persistence

And thought it best to seek medical assistance

The smiling vet gave her the all clear

But the ringing continued in the inner ear

Soon through the ear holes parasitic fingers clawed

And she coughed up its feet which reached down to the floor

Once this occurred her poor fate was sealed

And the last thing I heard was a pitiful squeal

As on parasite legs they bounded away

And have never been heard of since that day.

What a sorry ending for this puss

Who only thought she had tinnitus.

Hangun aroond

2009-04-16T17:12:00.004+01:00

This kitten has time to look and stare

Swinging high up in the air

Held fast in such a tight head lock

Tentacled in place on a protruding rock

With suckers anchored to its crown

In mortal fear of looking down

Too high to get help with a shout

Its days are spent hanging about.

Putyaba kuppagen

2009-04-15T17:46:00.002+01:00

A parasite similar

To the one you've just seen

Please look at the picture

It's as least twice as mean.

With a two pronged attack

Do not get in the way

As it swishes and writhes

After avian prey.

But look again carefully

It's not such a beast

As it shares with its host

The sweet birdy feast.

Putyaba kupp

2009-04-14T10:54:00.004+01:00

This kitty dreams of a happy day

Before this growth on her vertebrae

That's the scientific term, more or less

For the bones of the back - but I digress

With grasping pincers and crunching jaws

It's more than a match for tiny paws

Resigned to its fate the cat lets out a sigh

As the parasite snaps at folk passing by.

Surfsup cowabunga

2009-04-09T11:48:00.004+01:00

If you know of a kitten

You don't see anymore

Chances are high

It's been down by the shore.

An innocent stroll

One night on the beach

Brought it in range

Of this parasite's reach.

Kept under the sea

Its fate has been met

Breathing secondhand air

In a membranous helmet.

Herbayshus bordus

2009-04-07T00:02:00.000+01:00

Poor little kitty whose only small crime

Was to eat up a fruit that sprouted a vine

But I'm going to fast, there's a story to tell

How this poor little puss found his own bit of Hell.

Imagine a stray all alone on the street

Totally starving and dreaming of meat

His carnivorous desire waylaid by a fruit

Swallowed then slid down the digestive chute

This fruit had a seed with a serious mission

And inside this cat was the perfect condition

To thrive and grow big,

Form a prize winning bloom

And finally seal the little kit's doom.

Aparitia cannonfodda

2009-04-06T17:12:00.000+01:00

This skeletal limpet draws its pain

From mysterious levels of the astral plane

It deftly locates the nine lives of the host

And fires them all out as projectile ghosts

When the spirit bullets have all been spent

The poor little kitten is not Heaven sent

It soulless husk has nowhere to go

But a horrible future in eternal limbo.

Areyepee ashustoashus

2009-04-05T10:10:00.000+01:00

This kitten died

Being ripped apart

From something growing

Inside of its heart

The day it burst out

Was a day to remember

Tuesday the eigth

A warm day in September

That day in late Summer

Was not its last date

It's still roaming the earth

In a zombified state.

Maternia alivealiveo

2009-04-04T12:18:00.000+01:00

Here's some potential for seeing some gore

Laid out as a feast for foul babies to gnaw

Prepared by the parents, it's not going well

For this kitten trapped in a calcium shell

Counting the time 'til its fate will arrive

When the parasite infants will eat him alive

He ponders a while, awaiting their touch

Simply hoping that it won't hurt him too much.

Quasi modus

2009-04-03T20:11:00.000+01:00

As if the weight of the world were not enough

This poor kitty has it twice as tough

Made victim of such insidious harm

Of jokes about hunches and Notre Dame

And all the while her tormentor dines

Sucking on blood and fluids from the spine.

Dedleeteef ancloors

2009-04-02T20:23:00.000+01:00

This aggressive worm beast is no fun

It attacks the rage centre of the cranium

As its tendrils burrow into the brain

The kitten host is forced to maim

With needle teeth and claws like pins

The Kitty fights, the kitty sins.

Poor angry kitten, it's not it's fault

He got four years for aggravated assault.

KP The Introduction

2009-04-02T20:14:00.000+01:00

You know how vulnerable to parasites our beloved pets can be

Picking up awful infestations such as a worm, a mite or a flea

These irritating invertebrate invaders that call Tiddles home sweet home

Can be murder to get rid of causing their owners to moan,

"We've tried different kinds of remedies such as collars, pills and a spray,

There's got to be something available that keeps these blood suckers away!"

Please indulge me, dear reader and allow me to broaden this topic

Look at the mayhem my beasts can create and they're massive, not one's microscopic

Now I'm not a vet or a scientist but I've got forty odd strange ideas

And I've put them all down in this blog on the screen from my musings mused over the years

So sit back, settle down, grab an artery or a cuppa if that sates your appetite

Strong and sweet like they give to shock victims and suffers of kitten parasites.

KP at the Maguro Parasitological Museum, Japan

2009-04-02T20:08:00.000+01:00

This is me at the Meguro Parasitological Museum in Tokyo. It's a great day out. They have an extensive library of all things parasite - Including Kitten Parasites.

I like to imagine that hey use it on an almost daily basis.

Kitten Parasites

2009-04-02T19:44:00.000+01:00

Greetings Parasite Lovers.

A couple of years ago I published, with Bill Griffin's micro publishing house a collection of my poems and illustrations based around the parasites that could attack kittens. We put out a 1000 and they shifted pretty quickly thanks to comic shops up and down the country.

I'm very fond of them kitties and seeing as some horrible squatters are wanting $2000 to give me back my old site I'm going to drip the cats out day by day on here. My ideal dream is that some big shot publishing house will see this and offer to publish and distribute the book properly. I tell you publishers, this is a license to print money.

So sit back and enjoy.